Quagmire: “You constantly hit on your best friends wife and you’re a terrible father”

"I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore." - The deepest cutting line in the whole speech

Quagmire makes a good point at the end. A lot of us can perfectly be around people we don't personally fancy when those people are at least entertaining to be around.

The battle between a terrible person who owns that he is awful, and a terrible person that refuses to admit it.

Brian saying "how can you not like me" instead of "why don't you like me" or something like that is easily my favorite thing about this scene

The moment brian realizes someone doesn't like him he immediately tries to get them to like him I'm pretty sure if quagmire started liking brian I'm pretty sure brian wouldn't care

I think Brian saying "How can you not like me" instead of "Why do you not like me" says a lot & it only makes Quagmire's point even stronger

"You want me to sit here and explain to you how a plane works?"

As much as Quagmire comes off as hypocritical at some points, his criticisms aren't wrong. Brian really changed from the first few seasons and not at all in a good way.

It’s funny, every single thing the writers list about Brian being a bad person and they have the worst person in the show tell it to him. They obviously intended to pick the worst person in the show to call brian out and on the other hand a lot of Quagmire’s arguments are just stuff he does much worse, and then his defense is "at least i'm honest about it" which arguably makes him way worse. When someone realizes that they are bad , they can choose to change and try to be a better person.

Quagmire: “How’s that son of yours, that you never see?”

"Who the hell are you to talk down to anyone?! You failed college twice!"

I still find it kinda weird and oddly fascinating how Seth McFarlane managed to make, essentially an argument with himself, sound so realistic and emotional.

I won't lie. Everything Quag said about Brian can also apply to me. I see a bit of myself in Brian. I too am a pretentious wannabe intellectual who thinks he's deeper than he really is. And I was a text book liberal at a time, and still am a bit. I'm not a father, but I am a college drop out. I wanna be a writer but haven't written all summer. And I guess Quag might call me a bore too.

I used to not like Quagmire for hating Brian. But when I saw this, he actually has a good, logical reason to

The reason Quagmire was perfect for this rant was because he isn't saying this because he is better then Brian, he's saying this to prove Brian is no better than him

Some people are missing the point, Quagmire is aware he’s all those things he pointed out to Brian, the difference is Quagmire isn’t trying to hide that he’s a terrible person, he’s telling Brian he’s just as bad as him

Rule of thumb is, if someone makes it clear that they’re not interested in being friends with you, it’s best to just leave them be. Forcing yourself upon them will only irritate them more. But I can understand where Brian is coming from though, Quagmire used to be cool with Brian in the earlier seasons and then just started being rude asf to him out of nowhere. If I were him that would leave me pretty confused too.